Weather :- Damn nice for a picnic
Mood :- Christmas time, hey where is my present!!
Date :- 25 December 2007
Hey i know what you all are thinking,
"today is 30 of December, how can he put 25??!!"
Well, the truth is that i created this post on 25th of i couldn't find the time put it on my blog, so got to drag till today. hehehe. You know busy week busy days, where can i find time....
well this is now my day was, 25th of December, time to be merry, time for a break. well, i finally was able to put all of my work down for just today. Got to anyway, who wants to work on Christmas. It is time for feasting also. Talking about feasting, I'm having a gathering for specific family members only. this round no turkey but lok-lok and steamboat.... hahahaha.....wuahahaha........ -_-" sorry couldn't contain myself. anyway.
In conjunction, my dad is finally home for Christmas, well, he is working overboard, and he is here today, so cool. Finally i got to meet my dad four times this year, what a good wish to be answered. Well, it went smoothly today, my dad not home, going somewhere, which i hope is not to the other's home. me , my mum and sis and bro are at home preparing all the stuff , well actually my sis and mum all the way through with the food while i deal with the technical stuff. my bro..... tv...... I know ..... sad case.
By 6 everything was done. My dad came home in time... and here is where everything goes a bit out of proportion.
Three days before Christmas, my dad call , asking what i want. Well being the boy , i will usually go for the tech stuff, but after so many thoughts, i stick to the unusual.......... can't guess.........come on try harder........ it is money for my school books and a pair of new school shoes....... you guys out there will be scolding me for being stupid but hey........ i got to be a good boy and the sacrifice one as my sis has just got my dad to buy her a perfume.... which by the way it STINKS!! i threw my list of things i want and stick to the school's stuff, of course not being that stupid, ask for 100 bucks for raining days........ which happens everyday.
back to the present,....... My dad told me he gave me 100 yesterday.... which was true...... and he said this " yesterday, i gave you 100 and shoes, today here is the 300 for the school books, so now i don't ow you anything."............ OW?? Where is the world does this word ow ever occurred in a father son relationship....... It stroke me when i heard the word "ow". my mind keep playing this word over and over again. It even land me in a sudden depression thought saying, "my dad was not sincere in giving me a gift, it is like i forced him to give me." Hey..... he ask, i answered, how can he say like he ow me........ when did you ever hear people say you ow him during Christmas and also giving present. All of this came from the heart.......How can he say that.....
Well, i got to face fact suddenly, he maybe don't really love me like i thought he was. My sis was his fav anyway, it will never be my turn, why i don't just distance myself from him since he will never love me. But....
thank God, i have a very understanding, rational aunt. She was the one who brought our family through all those hard time, nothing to do with financial (my family are quite ok with it) anyway. I told her this, and she reply " You do know your dad is a person who speaks like this right. I remembered once, when i ask him about my mum, your grandma cancer, asking for his opinion, he immediately answer me, 'that's is her problem why ask me' i was very furious but i remembered that he is like this, hard mouth soft heart. "
Immediately a revelation came, Oh ya, my dad is like that. He did say those words about grandma but in the end he bought a ticket twice to see my grandma after her chemotherapy.
I finally know the power of just a thought. It can cause you to misunderstand even your own dad. Thank God for those people HE send to us during those time. My thought nearly cause me to hate my dad and even distance our relationship. This was proven when the next day my dad brought us out for dinner, he started to tell us his experience in the world and what he hope for us
"I don't hope you guys for straight A's, but I only hope that you will do your best and that is enough for me"
See my dad do care for me, even when he know i have the ability to score, he didn't put pressure on me instead advice me to just use my time wisely and to always care for my mum and bro. Then he told us the story of my bro sickness and how my parents went through it. It kind of lighten me of my narrow thoughts.
If i just follow my thoughts and make that move, i could have really distance my relationship with my dad, which of course is a bad thing and this prove it's power to influence a person's mind.
A thought can help but also it can kill you.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Life's a contract, Life's a business.
Weather :-Damn Hot day
Mood :-Pls God let me pass through this day in peace
Date:- 16 December 2007
Christmas is just around a corner. my week is book full!! just a week before Christmas , i thought that it is going to be a free week but Haiz....... just cannot believe it. Monday till not Friday but Sunday is totally full. Why must i be such a soft-hearted person, i just couldn't say no to anyone. Well this is how God created me but after this year Christmas , i wouldn't be able to help anymore. Next year will be SPM for me. From January till November , i got to prepare and then ........ BOOM!! SPM.... till mid of December. SPM my ticket out of this house forever...... It is not that i hate this house but......... I felt like it is a burden to bear.... a heavy one.
My family can be considered in the category of a dyfuntional family. A very busy father, a think of herself mother, a down sync brother and a "whatever" sister. I'm the youngest of all. My dad is working overboard and with a brother like this , i'm consider the "man of the house". Hahaha.... "Man of the house". That's what my aunts, grandma, grandpa and uncles told me. They also tell me,
"You do know that your dad is working overboard right. You are consider the man of the house, whatever it is, always be there to help out int he family, don't let your mother overwork , take care your brother........." and the saying goes on.
Worst, I'm the only grandson who is in good condition. My uncles are not married and can be considered bachelor for life. All hope is on me. The higher their hope the more heavy the burden weights. Born in a Chinese family is not always good. for instance in my case. the only male grandson who is in a good mind, good condition. I'm the only one who is able to continue to burn the family candle, if you understand.
My character is another matter that i find it hard to change. Because i'm an anti-social, i have 9/10 of distance friends, 1/10 of close friends, and 0/10 best friends. even if i have a best friend, the friendship never last. So far i had two best friends. One was when i'm just 7 years old. He was really the best friend i ever had (funny). He cared for me like an older brother (mind you he is 8 then ). The first time i ever felt like i have a brother. When someone bullied me in the bus, he was there. He even as far as to end up in wounds just protecting me. I remembered once, when we were playing hide & seek, it started to rain heavily. I ran back home hoping not to get wet and accidental fell on the tar road. A 1 cm stone entered into my skin and to the flesh on my knees. I was holding back my tears while trying to get back up. When he saw it, he hurried to my side, enduring the rain , held me up , took off his shirt , put it over me and slowly assisted me home while he endure the raindrops................. what a friend , my best friend. He is even willing to beg his father into letting him go to my church family day when he knew that we are out of runners. In the end , our team got second, He got first in every running events........my best buddy, my best friend, my brother. but things never turn out well, in the end because of my ferocious temper, we end our friendship in a cold war style. I still regretted to this day. I can still remember it happen when i was 10. Three years of friendship ended just like that, even when my neighbours friends tried to mend our friendship , it turns out sour.
Another of my best friend was when i was 12, he was younger than me. I took him as my younger brother, treated him like i was the older brother. We spend time together often, and very soon i forgotten about the pain of my first friendship. but it lasted for three years also, when his family are going to another church, from there we never communicated again. I was always afraid of meeting new friends also making best friends beause i was afraid of what they see in me also my family. Also i was afraid that it will turn out to be like my first bestfriend relationship. from there my friendship is always base on business, nothing more than that unless in special cases.
Hahahaha, I'm only 16, and i already know how to profit from friendship. I tend to find out that with good connection, you will be able to go places you could only dream off. I also found out that to get this kind of good connection, you got to wear all kinds of masks to get them. Maybe because i'm the "Man of the house" My mind seems to mature faster, because you got to think alot, think ahead, plan ahead, act ahead of others. There is where i find that life is just like a business. If you don't get good connection, you don't get good grades, you don't think ahead of others, you will always "RUGI". all things comes with a consequence, the only thing is it a good one ? or a bad one? doesn't life seems like a business.
Right now i also find that my life is nothing also but a contract bound to this family. A everlasting contract that can never be broken. Hey, what am i thinking , i can just rebel, ya, fight for my freedom, fight for my life.
Hahahahaaa...aa...aaaa....aaa...aa....a......
Just that the funny thing is i'm a conservative person also a christian who is trying to live a rightous life. How can i rebel?
You may think my life is cause by myself, only by my own thinking. But guess what, with a family like mine, in the same scenario like mine, with the same natural character like mine, you will slowly find yourself starting to think like me.
Mood :-Pls God let me pass through this day in peace
Date:- 16 December 2007
Christmas is just around a corner. my week is book full!! just a week before Christmas , i thought that it is going to be a free week but Haiz....... just cannot believe it. Monday till not Friday but Sunday is totally full. Why must i be such a soft-hearted person, i just couldn't say no to anyone. Well this is how God created me but after this year Christmas , i wouldn't be able to help anymore. Next year will be SPM for me. From January till November , i got to prepare and then ........ BOOM!! SPM.... till mid of December. SPM my ticket out of this house forever...... It is not that i hate this house but......... I felt like it is a burden to bear.... a heavy one.
My family can be considered in the category of a dyfuntional family. A very busy father, a think of herself mother, a down sync brother and a "whatever" sister. I'm the youngest of all. My dad is working overboard and with a brother like this , i'm consider the "man of the house". Hahaha.... "Man of the house". That's what my aunts, grandma, grandpa and uncles told me. They also tell me,
"You do know that your dad is working overboard right. You are consider the man of the house, whatever it is, always be there to help out int he family, don't let your mother overwork , take care your brother........." and the saying goes on.
Worst, I'm the only grandson who is in good condition. My uncles are not married and can be considered bachelor for life. All hope is on me. The higher their hope the more heavy the burden weights. Born in a Chinese family is not always good. for instance in my case. the only male grandson who is in a good mind, good condition. I'm the only one who is able to continue to burn the family candle, if you understand.
My character is another matter that i find it hard to change. Because i'm an anti-social, i have 9/10 of distance friends, 1/10 of close friends, and 0/10 best friends. even if i have a best friend, the friendship never last. So far i had two best friends. One was when i'm just 7 years old. He was really the best friend i ever had (funny). He cared for me like an older brother (mind you he is 8 then ). The first time i ever felt like i have a brother. When someone bullied me in the bus, he was there. He even as far as to end up in wounds just protecting me. I remembered once, when we were playing hide & seek, it started to rain heavily. I ran back home hoping not to get wet and accidental fell on the tar road. A 1 cm stone entered into my skin and to the flesh on my knees. I was holding back my tears while trying to get back up. When he saw it, he hurried to my side, enduring the rain , held me up , took off his shirt , put it over me and slowly assisted me home while he endure the raindrops................. what a friend , my best friend. He is even willing to beg his father into letting him go to my church family day when he knew that we are out of runners. In the end , our team got second, He got first in every running events........my best buddy, my best friend, my brother. but things never turn out well, in the end because of my ferocious temper, we end our friendship in a cold war style. I still regretted to this day. I can still remember it happen when i was 10. Three years of friendship ended just like that, even when my neighbours friends tried to mend our friendship , it turns out sour.
Another of my best friend was when i was 12, he was younger than me. I took him as my younger brother, treated him like i was the older brother. We spend time together often, and very soon i forgotten about the pain of my first friendship. but it lasted for three years also, when his family are going to another church, from there we never communicated again. I was always afraid of meeting new friends also making best friends beause i was afraid of what they see in me also my family. Also i was afraid that it will turn out to be like my first bestfriend relationship. from there my friendship is always base on business, nothing more than that unless in special cases.
Hahahaha, I'm only 16, and i already know how to profit from friendship. I tend to find out that with good connection, you will be able to go places you could only dream off. I also found out that to get this kind of good connection, you got to wear all kinds of masks to get them. Maybe because i'm the "Man of the house" My mind seems to mature faster, because you got to think alot, think ahead, plan ahead, act ahead of others. There is where i find that life is just like a business. If you don't get good connection, you don't get good grades, you don't think ahead of others, you will always "RUGI". all things comes with a consequence, the only thing is it a good one ? or a bad one? doesn't life seems like a business.
Right now i also find that my life is nothing also but a contract bound to this family. A everlasting contract that can never be broken. Hey, what am i thinking , i can just rebel, ya, fight for my freedom, fight for my life.
Hahahahaaa...aa...aaaa....aaa...aa....a......
Just that the funny thing is i'm a conservative person also a christian who is trying to live a rightous life. How can i rebel?
You may think my life is cause by myself, only by my own thinking. But guess what, with a family like mine, in the same scenario like mine, with the same natural character like mine, you will slowly find yourself starting to think like me.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
A new hope, A new start.
to start off, i would like to thank those who are willing to spare a few minutes to read my simple post. I'm most grateful and will be really happy if you all out there are more willing to share your thoughts with me, hopefully nothing negative, hehehe.
Here goes nothing, it came as a revelation to me one night to start off a blog to write off some of my quite negative thoughts. I have not much friends cause i'm a mild anti-social. Having a friend to me is like keeping a friend to others. I always felt that it is very hard to talk to someone yet again express my feeling. Because of this , i always have a lot of stories to imagine in my head, making me sometimes wish that those main character were me. Haiz.. can't a guy dream. hahahha.
Well.... this is my life , the life i'm going throught now. But I hope with this blog, I'm able to release this bad negative thoughts out while also in the same time able to write a few of my imaginarie stories that are impossible for an ordinary guy to achieve. In the same time able to make some friends out there.
Thanks again and wish all a blessed day. Thank you.
Here goes nothing, it came as a revelation to me one night to start off a blog to write off some of my quite negative thoughts. I have not much friends cause i'm a mild anti-social. Having a friend to me is like keeping a friend to others. I always felt that it is very hard to talk to someone yet again express my feeling. Because of this , i always have a lot of stories to imagine in my head, making me sometimes wish that those main character were me. Haiz.. can't a guy dream. hahahha.
Well.... this is my life , the life i'm going throught now. But I hope with this blog, I'm able to release this bad negative thoughts out while also in the same time able to write a few of my imaginarie stories that are impossible for an ordinary guy to achieve. In the same time able to make some friends out there.
Thanks again and wish all a blessed day. Thank you.
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