the proverbs

the 90's

2009-08-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

music of the day:- All the 90's songs

today is just an exemption to my usual daily songs... totally collecting all the 90's songs now from youtube. amazing.. i just love ethe 90's songs compared to now... where it's nothing but rap.. rap.. rap.. and R&B.. haiz... the 90's was the best among all...

the singers i love from the 90's are:-
1.Britney spears
2.Christina Aguilera
3. Mariah Carey

the bands:-
1. Ace of base
2. BSB
3. Westlife
4. 5ive
5. A1
6. N Sync
7. Michael learns to rock
8. O- Town
9. S Club 7
10. 98 degrees
11. Boyzone
12. Savage Garden

really they are still considered the best bands and singers around.... it's undenaiable.
famous songs like:-
Hit me baby one for time - Britney Spears
Tearing up my heart - N sync
Show me the meaning of being loney - BSB
My love - Westlife
Everytime - A1
The hardest thing - 98 degrees
Genie in the bottle - Christina Aguilera
Nothing gonna change my love for you - Michael learns to rock
I still believe - Mariah Carey
When the lights goes out - 5ive
It'a a beautiful life - Ace of base
no matter what - Boyzone
All or nothing - O Town
S club - S club 7
Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden

the classics... the best among the rest... though some may disagree with me about the above songs being their best ever songs but few will disagree the above all among the bests.....

I remember those days when me, my sister, my bro and my maid during the holidays will turn on the radio from morning to evening, monday to friday just to listen to these songs... i remmeber too that my sister is for BSB... me for N Sync...my bro for anything... my maid will be the middle person, telling us that all are nice and wonderfully sang... hahaha.... those were the days.... we'll perfer the radio over the TV anytime... just sitting on the coauch and listen and listen and listen........

when we heard they are disbanding... we'll be like "oh no!! don't!!"..... esp when it's N sync or 98 degrees or even BSB.... hahahahaha. those were the days... the 90's... just love their songs... can't get enough... they are never too old... they're evergreen...

The Amazing Feat..

2009-08-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

music of the day:- Evacuate the dance floor - Cascada

you never believe it.... i got a new song!! it's "Evacuate the Dance floor" by Cascada.. just love it man... it's amazing!! i love the new sound... TECHNO POP!! it just make me wanna dance or shake my body to the music.. it's so cool.. the beat is amazing.. the melody is out of this world... the structure of this song is always evolving.... it keeps the listener off it's feet most of the time...

we won!! we won the debate!! i can't believe it... we won 10-3 by vote.. what a feat!! the other class won by 7-6.. the against won too...yeah!!! It really was a new beginning now.... starting off in style... suave....haiz... got to work even harder now... can't just let everything fell again... maintenance work beginning now....

really got nothing to write liao... off to castle fight!! see ya.. ciao!!

Looking to a new start....

2009-08-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Music of tha day:- New Divide - Linkin Park

some how i fell in love with this song.. can't get enough of it... hahaha... got to get a new song soon if not my sister will complain again... "this song is so old.. get a new song lah... get a life man." i can still recall her saying that to me when i was listening to "the last waltz" by Engelbert Humperdink.

anyway the debate went well... everyone did a fantastic job... i think we're more entertaining than the other class...hahahahaha.... i believe i did a good job too.. at least was not caught off guard at all.... was expecting some of their major attacks.... got a backup plan..... see a backup plan always work... hahhaha

just love this debate... i didn't reliase that debating is sometimes so much fun... been the infor collecter for too long.. got to learn to take the seat than the "backseat" ... hahaha.. get it seat, back seat.... nvm.. not everyone gets it...

i think this is where my college life really starts.... getting some attention now... i'm no longer the silent one who has no opinons but the fierce and "dramatic" one when needed.... hahahha.... looking forward to tomorrow.... oh no!! got test tomorrow... didn't study ah!! haiz... got to wake up early today to study... hahahahha... ya it's 1am again... got to go... ciao!!

When words clashes....

2009-08-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

music of the day:- New Divide - Linkin Park

tomorrow is the debate.... oh no. don't see me kena grand price for competition why kena debate leh. haiz... having a major headache now. can't even think straight, going in circle and circle. lost in my own thought. can't even come up with a conclusion that is able to blow anyone away not even a leaf. haiz...

the topic is :- Is the Internal Security Act of Singapore justified?

i'm supposed to go against it but i'm always in favour of it and i support military involvement more than Rela or the police if possible the Intelligence Agency. but now going against it is like going against my own belief.
the only conclusion i can come up is :- "if the Act fails to safeguard an individual rights and safety, how can it gurantee to safeguard the entire nation's rights and safety, isn't it simple to guard one than 10 or 100 or even 1000? "

What the ..... haiz.... life is full of wonders and mysteries... does the ISA of Singapore justified?
i really don't know but i do know is i have to unjustified it.... hahahaha.... well gotta go back now and finish my thinking now and close shop for the midnight and await for D-Day today...

Yes it's 12am now... that's why i say today...

"i look and i found none, i only find you standing there like a kayu!!"

loyalty

2009-08-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

Music of the day :- One desire - Hillsongs United

I was wondered , "am i a person who loves to overthrow his head?" "Those my ideas always seems like i'm trying to so i'm better and am waiting to overthrow someone?" "Do my face portray as one?" "Do my mind always have to think about this?"

I always do wonder and i came up with a remedy to it, that is not to ever give suggestion or opinon, never to question the methods or style used, and always always adept oneself to any leaders i'm follwoing. It work pretty good and so far it wasn't an issue but beacuse of that i was always view as the background person, the invisible man and an "no-idea" person of the group. i'm sick of it sp i tried doing something different, by voicing my opinons on somethings and defending by opinons, i got "You wanna take my place as the head of XXX."

I was really hurted by that statement. my intention was to voice out what i see as an improvement that could greatly boost the ministry, in exchange of it i got that statement. My loyalty being questioned. I was deeply dampered by it, that i don't know what to feel next. lost? Sad? angry? depress? frustrated? maybe my communication is as bad as it looks. maybe i was never made to work as a group or work as a group but a mute role. Questioning God is a serious offence i believe that is 100 times worst than murder, did i said anything that links it to that?

you know what?

I really do miss my sister, she was the one who always reason with my ideas. as bad it was she never said a statement like that.

i always wanted to serve better, i believe that "how much a person loves God is reflected in his/her service." i always wanted to do my best in my service so that God church will be seen as a great church. more people will join.

do i have other motive? i'm still wandering now. I could only come out with one, is that i like attention alot. but i always control myself over it. when i'm goiing overboard, i hold myself back by telling myself, "you're looking for attention" and stop short of what i'm doing.

today i just found out in myself what i got the symdroms of the spirit of rejection. so sadly, i hope it isn't true.. got to really watch out for it.

i could link it all to this, spirit of rejection- attention- service- thoughts of overtaking- suggestion.
if it was really like that then i better stop serving and reexamine myself.

i feel like handing in my resignation letter this saturday. i really do. i believe too that "when one no longer share the same idea with the leader, it means it's time to leave". no matter how much i will miss them all esp the children but it's better the ministry to stay together than fall apart. at least there is a home for the children to go back to when they are hungry and lost for God. when there is two different group in a ministry, the ministry will fall apart. why do such a abomination thing. i never wanted God's work to fall apart just because of what i said, and if it meant for the greater good, it's best to remove oneself from the picture.

"Find the cause and eliminate it before it's too late"

Come what May

2009-08-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

Music of the day:- Come what may- Moulin Rouge

Oh my gosh… didn’t know that I had been a year since I lost wrote that blog… haiz… I must have been either very lazy or forgetful about it.
There is something in the air today… I didn’t realize that I have been listening to “Come What May” by Moulin Rouge for over 4 hours. The song keeps repeating itself over my mind again and again and the laptop too (coz I put it on repeat mode...). I couldn’t help imagining the two main characters of the movie… how deeply touching it were… after just watching the show G.I Joe… I had the almost same feeling, when listening to that song, keep wondering “What if my life was like this…”

In the movie, the part that deeply touch me was the part where the baroness save duke… even though the acting of duke wasn’t really that awesome till it make you cry but I couldn’t stop but pounder over it. Later, how the baroness was sent to prison where duke was with her, that too keeps me thinking and wonder. Don’t know what came over me, a sense of sentiment came over me. When I left that cinema that day, I told myself I got to buy the novel and waiting for a chance now to go to Borders… hahaha.

Thinking back I had the same feeling too when reading a beautifully written novel call “Echo in the darkness”. The sense of feeling lonely, the sense of being wanted to be loved. I marvel at many love story, how the main characters always end up either living with the one they love or die together. The most famous of all to me was Phantom of the Opera. Love the story, love the music by Andrew Lloyd Webber, and love the chemistry between Christine and Raoul. If only I had someone to share this feeling with, someone to share this chemistry, someone to share the music we love together, someone to share the feeling of belonging together, someone to share this love together…..

Writing about this, I couldn’t help but imagine this scene.
Imagine with me, in the quiet night of spring. A lady stands by the pond surrounded by pine trees. A man shows up in the shadow and slowly approach her, without her knowing, his arm slowly embraces her around her hips. Breathing slowly into her neck and moving slowly up to her ears. She held his arms and releases it from her. She turns around, seeing eye to eye with him. Her crystal blue eyes were shining like the moon reflects over the clear blue water. His hands move up towards her face and cupped it, he knew what she was thinking but he chose not to ask instead lean towards her slowly and kisses her gently on the lips. The kiss was long, soft and sweet. He moves away and sang to her,

(the Guy:)
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

(The girl:)
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

(Both:)
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

(the girl:)
It all revolves around you

(Both:)
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song, and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather,
And stars may collide

(the guy/the girl:)
But I love you (I love you)
Until the end of time (until the end of time)

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may
Come what may
I will love you, oh I will love you

(the girl:)
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

(Both:)
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day (Moulin Rouge, 2001)

Oh how romantic it is. In my mind I know the chances of me in this scene are almost to none But I wish just once just once with the girl I love…..Just once. Life is so beautiful when we share it with the one we love. So beautiful and so elegant.

“Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day” (Moulin Rouge, 2001)

My journey for the begining of the year.......

2008-03-22T16:58:00.000-07:00

it took quite some time to be able to finally able to write this blog again...... i was really very busy.... even on the first day of school. haiz....... anyway, i was glad that almost everything went smoothly for my society's work (media).

Even bizzare, i was elected as sport house captian, what a chance man!! but it was no smooth ride as when i finally know the leaders of the opposition, one was my classmate, captian of yellow house who have vast leadership experience, a distance friend , captian of green house who have very vast and popular human relationship, and finally a ex-schoolmate and the only form 6 here, captian of the red house who infact was a 12 years school's basketball captian , captian of the track team and my idol...........

to sum up everything, my team got third for the sports day, same like last year, but we managed to overshoot our last year's mark by 90 marks making it 334. a better improvement. but we could have gotten second if it wasn't for the inresponsible of the AJK of camp dec. It was by God's grace and my mouth we managed to unworthyly get thrid spot.but anyway i was satisfied. the team that won was red house for your information.

and now i'm heading towards my second project that is then C.F camp perparation. hope i get everything done better than my first project.

to be continue..........

My testimony for 2007.

2008-01-01T02:44:00.000-08:00

Weather :- We should just thank God for the weather even if it is bad.
Mood :- What was i thinking, it shouldn't end that fast!!
Date :- 1st of January 2008

well folks, that's the end of 2007 and today was the first day of 2008, i think i will miss 2007. It was a really fun year even though my grades drop, but hey where's the fun if you have got no challenge left for 2008. This year i will be aiming for my grades then my C.O.C.O. I think i done enough for my society time for myself.

Well, as yesterday was thanks giving night. It got me thinking, what has God done for me this year. Then everything came to me in a flash......

Well, got to Thank God for a wonderful 2007. It was really my first time in life to experience my up and downs, everything in a year, not split up like those past years.

Well..... it starts of like this.......

During 2006, I have been praying for a certain touch by God, since i never felt it before. My aunt told me it is a wonderful feeling. Well, some told me they can sense it , some say they can feel , some even said they can smell it. I always have this curiosity of how God's presence was. Well, my waiting has finally paid off. During January to March, I got to feel God's presence everywhere. It is a feeling i never felt before. It was so warm, so comfortable...... you just don't want it to go..... and everything i do, turns out successfully, just like Midas touch, it just turn to gold .

And i was given a chance to go for my school leadership camp, it was a great honour as i represent christian fellowship to participate this camp. I really learn alot as i was given a chance to lead a team in a game though we lost but we are praised by the teachers as we cheered all the way for other teams also keep our team highly motivated. Also i was given a chance to be MC for a day. I was partnered with Andrea Chew. It was really a great honour to be able to be her partner for the night. In the end i won best male participant award and my group won best team award which included best cheer.(this camp was held during march)

But sadly, I lost that presence at the beginning of April, i don't know how i lost it but i was trying to find it back. I finally have the guts to ask my pastor about it, when he heard my story, he told me that i wasn't spending my time reading his word or spending time with HIM. Immediately i know what my pastor said was true.If you ever get to feel the presence of God Don't lose IT. If not you will turn out like me still trying to earn it back. And then everything goes wrong............

During March, I was given a chance to team up with my old classmate to produce a drama. It was like a golden chance to show them i am able to redo the miracle i have done in 2006 for my class drama. As the it was going into motion, last minute my two classmate back out.

I was in a rage. But nothing can be done. I and my other friend who have no experience team up to finish what we started. Everything when wrong during the practises. But thank God for helping me in finding two of my main characters. They are the one who really save the show ,during the rehearsal, everything when back to what i wanted. And i finally was able to relief.

When it was time for the showtime. Everything when so so so wrong. the music was out, the sub-characters forgotten their parts, and i was not able to be at the backstage. It was the most embarrassing moment in my entire 16 years. Worst they even have to give credit to the directer that was me. OMG!! thinking back, i felt really sad, after all those time and money i put in. It turns out worst then the movie S Club 7 made. Haiz.... Immediately i fell in to depression. I keep blaming myself. I even went out and brought back 6 cans of soft drinks to calm myself. (i'm only 16 , not legal to drink beer, mind you).

And then when i was on my way to the train station, My youth leader called up to ask em how was the show......... I just told her everything went wrong, way wrong. And she comforted me over the phone and during that moment, she asked whether i wanted to go to Redang Island for vacation, everything included including the plane fare.

I was overjoyed, I was hoping to be elsewhere then KL, and BOOM!! God immediately answered my prayer, HE provided me a getaway to re find my self-confidence and myself. No coincidence, just a prayer answered by God in my trouble time.

During that trip i really got over my depression thanks to my youth leader and also other churches youth leaders. I also finally was able to re trust people and i even make friends who stay at Terengganu. God not only lead me out of my depression , He even gave me friends and return back my trust in people.

And through the months goes by, i was elected as temporary treasurer for my society's "teachers' day" event. Even though i hate money, but thank God for his wisdom , i was able to pull through every obstacles in my team way. I was even able to team up with my crush, as she was my team's leader. (hehehehe) Well, through this event everyone knows me now. No longer am I in others shadow but am able to out stand everyone. I was given praised by my Seniors for a job well done, also able to save the society's performance from going down the drain just in the nick of time. I was able to finally gain my seniors attention but also for this, i gain twice as many enemies as before.

When saying back about that teacher's day event, i was given credit for saving our society's performance also able to keep the team together even my crush also started to gain notice of me, one stone kill two birds for this round.

Later during the next few months, i managed to stir my class to first place in the English singing competition with the song "I will Follow You" by Sister Act and also "Do I make you proud" by Taylor Hicks. It was not a easy job, I have to take sore throat medicine to keep my class in order.

Then the months go by, then it was the interview day for a post in my society. during my interview, i quarreled with my club president over certain issue which i felt he misunderstood. In the end , when everyone was able to guess that i be getting first assistant head media, i end up with second assistant head media. It was really an embarrassment again for me. But I got to thank God for this post when i heard an inside news from one of the voters.

It turns out that there are alot of seniors who dislike me for what i'm doing , also for the talents that God gave me i was able to grab my society teacher adviser attention. They tried to pull me down to one of the low posts like first assistant head of day. which by the way is a way way low post just above second assistant head of day.

I think God had a purpose for me to join the leadership camp, from the camp i was in the same group with my media society's treasurer who was by the way a form 6, which means she is a senior the other AJK who are form 5, she told me i did great during the camp. when she saw the posts and the name list, immediately She and the second assistant head of media help me to gain a much higher post, they were actually help me get the first assistant Head of Media but due to the interview which i end up in argument. I was only able to get second assistant head of media. Also i cannot forget my teacher adviser, when they send the posts with the name to her, she rejected it because she thought that the post i was given was to low. Thank God!!

When I think all my problem are over, i pulled myself into another one. I argued with my church's P.A partner over the new intakes of P.A operator. I actually didn't object to it at first, but after what i saw and heard for the past few months, i immediately reject it. For they were ask to joined for all the wrong reasons. We even dragged in our vice boss,the worship directer(our boss of course is God lah). i lost the argument because they think that my partner is an adult and when he speaks as though every word of his are the truth. Because i started the cold war. I even let my thought tell me what to do.

"Don't go to church lah, go when you got duty only, the rest don't care about it. You do know that this is how they have been treating you, they treat you as an invisible guy, they don't respect you, when you are on duty, problem occurs, they just came in and take over, not caring whether you are there or not."

And because of this, this was the last straw, I immediately started the cold war, only when i was in duty i went the rest even my youth group i don't take a damn care about it. And when i was on duty, i no longer take my partner opinion. i treated him as an invisible guy. And this went on for four weeks. until my pastor step in.....

I still remember it, he took me to a fancy restaurant which will cost me four months of my pocket money. And we talk about it. from everything, about my school , my family, my dad, my interest, and also the cold war. He told me something about the new intake which i don't know. He was actually defending them all the way. I myself saw no longer any reasons to stop them from joking, and i forced myself to take them in. From these, i saw the fatherly figure in my pastor. He treated me like son, when i was drafting away, he pulled me back. I should really thank him for that even though i till now still don't like the new intake, but was forced to take them in anyway.

Also just recently, i ended the cold war with my partner. As it is a new year, i don't wish to take this together with me to the new year.

And these was my 2007 testimony. All of this was by the grace of God. He help me through each obstacle that was in my way. He even provided me people to help me through. I never forget the time when HE help me to get up again.

Tell you guys out there, christian or non-christian, something, God is always there waiting for you, helping you and protecting you but it is whether are you willing to let him continue to do it for you.

Actually this was to be shared with my church but lost the chance when i had it. I hope you guys don't lose it.

The Power of a Thought.

2007-12-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

Weather :- Damn nice for a picnic
Mood :- Christmas time, hey where is my present!!
Date :- 25 December 2007

Hey i know what you all are thinking,
"today is 30 of December, how can he put 25??!!"
Well, the truth is that i created this post on 25th of i couldn't find the time put it on my blog, so got to drag till today. hehehe. You know busy week busy days, where can i find time....

well this is now my day was, 25th of December, time to be merry, time for a break. well, i finally was able to put all of my work down for just today. Got to anyway, who wants to work on Christmas. It is time for feasting also. Talking about feasting, I'm having a gathering for specific family members only. this round no turkey but lok-lok and steamboat.... hahahaha.....wuahahaha........ -_-" sorry couldn't contain myself. anyway.
In conjunction, my dad is finally home for Christmas, well, he is working overboard, and he is here today, so cool. Finally i got to meet my dad four times this year, what a good wish to be answered. Well, it went smoothly today, my dad not home, going somewhere, which i hope is not to the other's home. me , my mum and sis and bro are at home preparing all the stuff , well actually my sis and mum all the way through with the food while i deal with the technical stuff. my bro..... tv...... I know ..... sad case.
By 6 everything was done. My dad came home in time... and here is where everything goes a bit out of proportion.

Three days before Christmas, my dad call , asking what i want. Well being the boy , i will usually go for the tech stuff, but after so many thoughts, i stick to the unusual.......... can't guess.........come on try harder........ it is money for my school books and a pair of new school shoes....... you guys out there will be scolding me for being stupid but hey........ i got to be a good boy and the sacrifice one as my sis has just got my dad to buy her a perfume.... which by the way it STINKS!! i threw my list of things i want and stick to the school's stuff, of course not being that stupid, ask for 100 bucks for raining days........ which happens everyday.

back to the present,....... My dad told me he gave me 100 yesterday.... which was true...... and he said this " yesterday, i gave you 100 and shoes, today here is the 300 for the school books, so now i don't ow you anything."............ OW?? Where is the world does this word ow ever occurred in a father son relationship....... It stroke me when i heard the word "ow". my mind keep playing this word over and over again. It even land me in a sudden depression thought saying, "my dad was not sincere in giving me a gift, it is like i forced him to give me." Hey..... he ask, i answered, how can he say like he ow me........ when did you ever hear people say you ow him during Christmas and also giving present. All of this came from the heart.......How can he say that.....

Well, i got to face fact suddenly, he maybe don't really love me like i thought he was. My sis was his fav anyway, it will never be my turn, why i don't just distance myself from him since he will never love me. But....
thank God, i have a very understanding, rational aunt. She was the one who brought our family through all those hard time, nothing to do with financial (my family are quite ok with it) anyway. I told her this, and she reply " You do know your dad is a person who speaks like this right. I remembered once, when i ask him about my mum, your grandma cancer, asking for his opinion, he immediately answer me, 'that's is her problem why ask me' i was very furious but i remembered that he is like this, hard mouth soft heart. "
Immediately a revelation came, Oh ya, my dad is like that. He did say those words about grandma but in the end he bought a ticket twice to see my grandma after her chemotherapy.

I finally know the power of just a thought. It can cause you to misunderstand even your own dad. Thank God for those people HE send to us during those time. My thought nearly cause me to hate my dad and even distance our relationship. This was proven when the next day my dad brought us out for dinner, he started to tell us his experience in the world and what he hope for us
"I don't hope you guys for straight A's, but I only hope that you will do your best and that is enough for me"
See my dad do care for me, even when he know i have the ability to score, he didn't put pressure on me instead advice me to just use my time wisely and to always care for my mum and bro. Then he told us the story of my bro sickness and how my parents went through it. It kind of lighten me of my narrow thoughts.

If i just follow my thoughts and make that move, i could have really distance my relationship with my dad, which of course is a bad thing and this prove it's power to influence a person's mind.
A thought can help but also it can kill you.

Life's a contract, Life's a business.

2007-12-16T01:51:00.000-08:00

Weather :-Damn Hot day
Mood :-Pls God let me pass through this day in peace
Date:- 16 December 2007

Christmas is just around a corner. my week is book full!! just a week before Christmas , i thought that it is going to be a free week but Haiz....... just cannot believe it. Monday till not Friday but Sunday is totally full. Why must i be such a soft-hearted person, i just couldn't say no to anyone. Well this is how God created me but after this year Christmas , i wouldn't be able to help anymore. Next year will be SPM for me. From January till November , i got to prepare and then ........ BOOM!! SPM.... till mid of December. SPM my ticket out of this house forever...... It is not that i hate this house but......... I felt like it is a burden to bear.... a heavy one.

My family can be considered in the category of a dyfuntional family. A very busy father, a think of herself mother, a down sync brother and a "whatever" sister. I'm the youngest of all. My dad is working overboard and with a brother like this , i'm consider the "man of the house". Hahaha.... "Man of the house". That's what my aunts, grandma, grandpa and uncles told me. They also tell me,
"You do know that your dad is working overboard right. You are consider the man of the house, whatever it is, always be there to help out int he family, don't let your mother overwork , take care your brother........." and the saying goes on.

Worst, I'm the only grandson who is in good condition. My uncles are not married and can be considered bachelor for life. All hope is on me. The higher their hope the more heavy the burden weights. Born in a Chinese family is not always good. for instance in my case. the only male grandson who is in a good mind, good condition. I'm the only one who is able to continue to burn the family candle, if you understand.

My character is another matter that i find it hard to change. Because i'm an anti-social, i have 9/10 of distance friends, 1/10 of close friends, and 0/10 best friends. even if i have a best friend, the friendship never last. So far i had two best friends. One was when i'm just 7 years old. He was really the best friend i ever had (funny). He cared for me like an older brother (mind you he is 8 then ). The first time i ever felt like i have a brother. When someone bullied me in the bus, he was there. He even as far as to end up in wounds just protecting me. I remembered once, when we were playing hide & seek, it started to rain heavily. I ran back home hoping not to get wet and accidental fell on the tar road. A 1 cm stone entered into my skin and to the flesh on my knees. I was holding back my tears while trying to get back up. When he saw it, he hurried to my side, enduring the rain , held me up , took off his shirt , put it over me and slowly assisted me home while he endure the raindrops................. what a friend , my best friend. He is even willing to beg his father into letting him go to my church family day when he knew that we are out of runners. In the end , our team got second, He got first in every running events........my best buddy, my best friend, my brother. but things never turn out well, in the end because of my ferocious temper, we end our friendship in a cold war style. I still regretted to this day. I can still remember it happen when i was 10. Three years of friendship ended just like that, even when my neighbours friends tried to mend our friendship , it turns out sour.
Another of my best friend was when i was 12, he was younger than me. I took him as my younger brother, treated him like i was the older brother. We spend time together often, and very soon i forgotten about the pain of my first friendship. but it lasted for three years also, when his family are going to another church, from there we never communicated again. I was always afraid of meeting new friends also making best friends beause i was afraid of what they see in me also my family. Also i was afraid that it will turn out to be like my first bestfriend relationship. from there my friendship is always base on business, nothing more than that unless in special cases.

Hahahaha, I'm only 16, and i already know how to profit from friendship. I tend to find out that with good connection, you will be able to go places you could only dream off. I also found out that to get this kind of good connection, you got to wear all kinds of masks to get them. Maybe because i'm the "Man of the house" My mind seems to mature faster, because you got to think alot, think ahead, plan ahead, act ahead of others. There is where i find that life is just like a business. If you don't get good connection, you don't get good grades, you don't think ahead of others, you will always "RUGI". all things comes with a consequence, the only thing is it a good one ? or a bad one? doesn't life seems like a business.

Right now i also find that my life is nothing also but a contract bound to this family. A everlasting contract that can never be broken. Hey, what am i thinking , i can just rebel, ya, fight for my freedom, fight for my life.
Hahahahaaa...aa...aaaa....aaa...aa....a......
Just that the funny thing is i'm a conservative person also a christian who is trying to live a rightous life. How can i rebel?

You may think my life is cause by myself, only by my own thinking. But guess what, with a family like mine, in the same scenario like mine, with the same natural character like mine, you will slowly find yourself starting to think like me.

A new hope, A new start.

2007-12-04T22:57:00.000-08:00

to start off, i would like to thank those who are willing to spare a few minutes to read my simple post. I'm most grateful and will be really happy if you all out there are more willing to share your thoughts with me, hopefully nothing negative, hehehe.
Here goes nothing, it came as a revelation to me one night to start off a blog to write off some of my quite negative thoughts. I have not much friends cause i'm a mild anti-social. Having a friend to me is like keeping a friend to others. I always felt that it is very hard to talk to someone yet again express my feeling. Because of this , i always have a lot of stories to imagine in my head, making me sometimes wish that those main character were me. Haiz.. can't a guy dream. hahahha.
Well.... this is my life , the life i'm going throught now. But I hope with this blog, I'm able to release this bad negative thoughts out while also in the same time able to write a few of my imaginarie stories that are impossible for an ordinary guy to achieve. In the same time able to make some friends out there.

Thanks again and wish all a blessed day. Thank you.